


that's my cue (to fall in love with you)

by vminism



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-05 11:23:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5373524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vminism/pseuds/vminism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hakyeon's used to cameras. He's not used to taking his work home with him. Or letting it worm its way into his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	that's my cue (to fall in love with you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pikasoos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pikasoos/gifts).



> this fic is dedicated, of course, to its recipient jeni! i hope you like this :') i tried to make it something you would enjoy and i hope i managed to succeed! also z and s for constantly cheering me on and everyone on tl that put up with my constant complaining.

It would be a good idea, of course. His manager only addresses the offers that would help his career but this feels an awful lot like something that would ruin him.

It runs too close to the edge of dangerous.

This isn't even a situation like back in the day -- when he was fresh, young, just barely starting out. Then, he would take any job that came his way, trying desperately just to get his name out there. And he did get his name out there. He was Big now, capital B and everything.

Which is why he laughs right in manager's face.

"There's no way," Hakyeon sputters through his giggles, face breaking into his characteristic, wide grin. The disbelief is evident on his face as he looks around for the hidden camera. Searches Minhyuk's face for the joke. There just--

Isn't one.

It sobers him up, his shoulders pulling back and spine straightening. "You can't be serious," the smile drops off his face altogether. He leans forward, into Minhyuk's space, eyebrows fast approaching his hairline, "You wouldn't book me for this when you could be booking me for a new drama."

"Well, we're doing that too," Minhyuk says, pushes him back with a firm hand on his chest. He reaches into his satchel, pulling out a thick manila envelope.

"There's a new script in there. Read it. Get back to me, asap." Hakyeon takes the package with quickly numbing fingers. It's not terrible or horribly shocking--it's just a lot. A lot to get his mind around. Minhyuk slips the proposal on top of the heavy script and claps him on the shoulder, ready to head out. Hakyeon heaves a sigh and waves him off.

The laminated title of We Got Married! shines up at him. Something twists in his gut.

 

***

 

"I don't see what the problem is, hyung." Sanghyuk is sipping loudly at the last bits of his boba, putting far more care and attention toward it than he is toward Hakyeon's problems. From beside him, Taekwoon nods solemnly. He doesn't even look up from his slice of cake.

Hakyeon is never treating them out again.

"Should I give you a list?" He's growing increasingly frustrated. His mother had tittered over the phone when he had told her, absolutely delighted. Minhyuk had gotten Eunkwang on his side. There were even blind items in the tabloids now and for some reason, he remained the only one apprehensive about this.

"Yeah, that would be helpful actually," Sanghyuk kicks his leg up to settle on Hakyeon's lap. He scowls and shoves it off, thinking of propriety and dry cleaning.

"Well first," Hakyeon holds up a finger in all his patronizing glory. "We Got Married is practically where careers go to die. My career is not dying, thank you very much." Sanghyuk tries to interject, no doubt to throw a jab at him but Hakyeon is not in the mood to have his ranting cut off. He throws a preemptive neck slice, a vein in his forehead twitching.

"Second, the netizens won't be happy with me no matter what. Date my partner. Don't date my partner. Don't date outside of the show or it's fake. Just date outside of the show because we know it's fake. Why aren't you partnered with who I like? It's ridiculous, it's too much," Hakyeon sighs, slumping back in his chair, shoulders drooping forward. His arm stays outstretched though, and he lifts up his third finger with just as much vigor as the previous ones. "My schedule will be even more hectic. I should be doing more dramas while I'm at a high. Auditioning for movies. I've always wanted a coffee CF!" He leans forward to pout at Taekwoon. The only response is a raised eyebrow and the slow raise of a coffee cup. Taekwoon has had two coffee CFs already.

"And lastly," Hakeyon raises the last finger, hesitates. He moves his chair closer, sitting stiff at the edge of it, "It's a same-sex partnership. An experiment. And I just. Experiments can go wrong, especially ones like this."

Sanghyuk's heaves a weary sigh, his leg somehow back in Hakyeon's lap, and finally gives his empty cup a rest, smacking it down onto the rickety table in front of them. "You complain too much hyung," he says, shrugging and looking down his nose. Beside him Taekwoon nods and gives a hum of agreement. "Besides, I thought you'd be happy about this. Considering," he waves a hand in Hakyeon's general direction, "You know."

Hakyeon narrows his eyes at the small smile forming on Taekwoon's face. " _No,_ I don't know."

"Liar," Taekwoon finally pipes in, completely unhelpful. Hakyeon tries to lean over to lay a chop on him but Sanghyuk's leg remains heavy in his lap, restraining.

"Ugh whatever. I don't know why I bother with you," Hakyeon slumps in his seat before a tiny voice at the back of his head forces his back straight again. He buries himself in his boba, viciously ignoring Sanghyuk's _because_ we _know._ "I'm calling your mothers, you need to be taught how to be polite."

Sanghyuk grins wide, "You know I have you as Yeon Umma in my contacts."

 

***

 

Despite the episode outline he gets weeks in advance, and the fairly widespread knowledge of how scripted We Got Married can be, the show insists on maintaining some semblance of authenticity. Which is why Hakyeon finds himself in a dressing room with sweaty palms and knots in his stomach a mere thirty minutes before filming is set to begin.

 _dnt be nervous hyung m sure he'll like u 2! hwaiting!_ reads the kakaotalk message pulled up on his phone, followed by an encourage sticker. Hakyeon fights the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose and rub at his eyes. He'll ruin his make up.

Trust Sanghyuk to twist his pleas for help with the anxiety currently attacking him over what he's about to do. _Social suicide, possibly_ , the ever helpful voice at the back of his head kindly provides. It sounds too much like Taekwoon and Hakyeon can feel a migraine coming on. Half the day hasn't even passed yet.

He's rolling his head from side to side, working out the kinks, and going through the breathing techniques he's been taught when Minhyuk knocks on the door and pokes his head in. Appraises Hakyeon. He steps in with a sigh, shutting the door lightly behind him. Hakyeon's eyes focus in on the americano he's carrying and his hands immediately make grabby motions.

Minhyuk plops the cup into his waiting hand. "You okay?"

"Hm," Hakyeon takes a hearty gulp. Raises a shoulder. "Sure. S'not like I can back out now."

"Good to hear," Minhyuk claps him on the shoulder, meeting his eyes through the reflection of the mirror in front of him. "Lets get you out there then."

 

***

 

Hakyeon stands at one end of a bridge, his back facing it. There's a stream flowing beneath it and he can hear it washing over rocks behind him. It's calming for about two minutes before he starts feeling the need to pee. The wind blows, a soft breeze, and he sighs in relief. The sun is beating hard against his back and he regrets his decision to wear black. At least his soon to be "husband," and the cameras filming his every move, won't notice the pit stains.

It feels like an eternity passes before he hears anything, sees any movement from the camera men trying to remain somewhat inconspicuous ahead of him. The ages previous participants of this show spent waiting on their partners to arrive suddenly seem like great burdens rather than the accomplishments of horrible suspense editing.

He plasters on a bashful smile, tilting his head toward the ground at a flattering angle as he hears the footsteps against the wooden planks of the bridge. Everything feels rehearsed, he pulls on the familiar mask and keeps his body in the languid curve he knows his fans love. But the anxiety and the jump of his chest is real and, when a throat is cleared from mere feet behind his back, the fortifying breath he takes is genuine.

Turning, he comes face to face with a familiar face. Full lips, large, sloping nose, bright eyes, sharp jaw. Kim Jaehwan. One of his rivals in the industry but an actor whose talents, and voice when he takes part in musicals, Hakyeon envies.

"Oh!" Jaehwan grins, sweet and open. Hakyeon can't help but be slightly taken aback. Also can't help the mirroring smile that spreads across his own face. "Cha Hakyeon-ssi! It's a pleasure. Oh my god, I'm such a fan."

Jaehwan bows - once, twice, thrice - Hakyeon following suit as he laughs and extends a hand. He has to place a hand on Jaehwan's shoulder, abandoning etiquette in an attempt to escape the cycle of who-can-bow-lower that they've entered into.

"I'm flattered," Hakyeon laughs, Jaehwan finally slipping his hand into his, "I'm a big fan of yours, as well, Jaehwan-ssi."

Jaehwan's lights up entirely. Even his shoulders lift a bit, back straightening. Hakyeon laughs awkwardly and they fall into a silent lull before--

"Ah, wait, I--" Jaehwan fumbles, bringing forward the arm he's been hiding behind his back for the entire exchange. Hakyeon pretends he hasn't noticed, schooling his features into a face of curiosity, even if he's no cat. "I brought you flowers," he is presented with a bouquet that's probably too big and too colorful but pretty all the same. In a borderline garish way. 

Laughing again, Hakyeon accepts it gratefully, back dipping into an automatic bow that gets returned. And again. And again. 

"This seems like it's becoming a thing," Hakyeon says, waving Jaehwan off. 

"Our first tradition!" The other man chirps, stepping a bit closer. Hakyeon looks away, in the direction of the cameras as his eyes crinkle. One of his hands is flapping at his face, cooling down his not-completely-imaginary blush. 

They fall into an easy step, an easy conversation, and Hakyeon thinks maybe this will be an easy pretend-relationship

 

***

 

The lights shining on Hakyeon are almost blinding, he thinks there's no way they can turn out flattering when the show airs. But he trusts Minhyuk to make sure only the best side of himself is aired to the country. World. Whatever.

His makeup feels cakey and he's been sitting on the hard stool for so long that his ass is falling numb. The entire experience is wholly uncomfortable. Still, the lines of his face are easy. He's an open book.

He thinks he deserves actor of the year and he's barely started this show.

Clearing his throat, he cocks his head to the side and gives a little sigh. "This experience is definitely a challenge," he says, voice lilting, "Hm, but I think... It'll be much easier with Jaehwan beside me. He's the best partner the producers could have picked."

Cue blinding smile and bashful laughter.

"What is it you like about him?" the faceless producer prompts.

"Ah... Well. He's funny. Charming. Talented - I wasn't joking when I said I was a fan of his." He shrugs, readjusting in his seat and moving forward just a bit. "And he's handsome too, right? Can I say that? He's very handsome, even if he maybe falls short with me in the frame. Just a bit."

A wink, a self-assured nod, and he's done.

When the lights shut off he feels like he can't see, suddenly. His eyes taking a millennium and a half to readjust. It's okay, he's sure someone will help guide him to where he's supposed to be next.

 

***

 

Their first few episodes sail by fairly smoothly. Hakyeon knows how to be flirty, he does it maybe too often, and Jaehwan is charismatic. His impressions take up an entire episode in the beginning, when they go to a cafe on their first day as A Couple and try to get to know each other as genuinely as possible.

It helps that the show is trying to move them through the steps quickly. _Get the public used to you, see if the response is good_ , the PDs had said.

The response had been... mixed. Hakyeon wasn't getting any death threats, at least. Just a lot of general disgust and disdain. Even his parents weren't completely comfortable with the show. But the ratings had skyrocketed and that's really all that matters.

Which is why, only four episodes in, they've already got a house and are tasked with furnishing it.

_Make it your own but follow the guidelines. We'll have someone go in and set it up for you, don't worry. Just act like you're actually doing it for a couple good frames._

Hakyeon sits on the floor, pretending to wait in their new, shiny, flat while waiting on Jaehwan to get his cue and walk through the door. He's aimlessly scrolling through twitter and lands on a picture of them. It's the one they took during their first day, to commemorate being fake-husbands.

A smile spreads across his face almost automatically. It's his typical reaction when he sees Jaehwan now and he's actually happy to say that it's not forced. Not fake. Not practiced. It's a real smile. 

 _A real feeling,_ Taekwoon's voice pops up in the back of his head, _You two look good together._

And they _do_ but he doesn't need imaginary Taekwoon saying things like that. 

His thoughts become so engrossing that he forgets to be vigilant of the cameras for once, shoulders relaxing and unsuspecting. That's exactly when the door flies open. Hakyeon jumps, almost dropping his phone, letting out a shocked sound. 

"Honey! I'm home!" Jaehwan's voice bounces off the walls of the empty space, his arms are thrown wide. There's a coffee carrier in one of his hands, the cups held in it look like they're about to tip over.

His grand entrance is interrupted by Hakyeon wheezing an _oh my god_ and that's when Jaehwan finally notices him. As soon as his eyes drop to him, his arms are by his side and he's crossing the room with long strides, a giggle in his voice.

"What are you doing Hakyeon-ssi-- Ah, I mean Hakyeon hyung?" Jaehwan asks, extending a hand to help him to his feet. The familiar language still a little stilted and awkward. He's expecting Jaehwan to receive some forceful direction and glowers from the PD when they move to their next location. "Did I knock over the old man?"

"Yah," Hakyeon aims a chop at his neck and Jaehwan immediately jumps into character, playing along. He whines, curling his shoulders up and leaning into Hakyeon's body. Wounded dog noises and all. Hakyeon laughs and pushes him away, only slightly, barely worried that maybe the flirting is coming too naturally. But just as fast, Jaehwan is back in his space, body warm next to his, and placing the coffee he'd brought into his hand.

They're laughing and leaning against the wall next to each other, Jaehwan jumps into the next topic without the help of a teleprompter. Hakyeon refuses to be left behind, following behind him eagerly, the color in his cheeks rising the slightest. He hides it in his coffee, taking large, grateful sips.

"This place looks nicer right? Than when we moved in a couple of days ago?" Jaehwan asks, waving a hand across the bright, open space of the apartment. It's just one large room making up the kitchen, dining, and living, but it's got huge windows and dark wood flooring and Hakyeon has to admit, the second impression is nice.

"Well, when we first saw it, it _was_ a little..." Hakyeon trails off, gesturing.

"Dusty and haunted looking?" Jaehwan supplies, smiling and stretching his neck out. A picture of expectancy and innocence across his face.

Hakyeon laughs, bumping their shoulders together. He's sure he appears completely endeared. Maybe the fantasy isn't too far from reality. "Exactly."

"Well it's probably going to go back to that tonight," Jaehwan stands up straight, proffering his arm to Hakyeon, " _Unless_ , we go do something about it. What do you say? Will you build a home with me Hakyeonnie hyung?"

"How could I say no to someone as cute as you?"

 

***

 

They spend hours going from furniture store to grocery store back to furniture in an attempt to get the best most domestic shots. He's spent so many takes laying across a bed, or a couch, or on a rug, and staring into Jaehwan's eyes that Hakyeon is sure he has the exact shade of them memorized. He could probably mix the colors for them with paint, if asked.

Not to say that he didn't enjoy himself, though. Things were shockingly comfortable. As if he'd just been with his friends, not working. There's no tension in his shoulders for once and when Jaehwan invites him, in some of their crew, out for dinner, he doesn't think twice before saying yes.

Maybe he should have thought twice before inviting his own friends, though. But he would have felt far too awkward fending for himself among the friends Jaehwan invited - a male model named Hongbin whose dimples were deep enough to drown in and Rap Maestro Ravi. _You can just call me Wonsik, really,_ he had insisted when Jaehwan introduced him with a flourish.

Sanghyuk and Taekwoon looked like yesterday's leftovers next to them, but the best leftovers Hakyeon had ever had. As if he senses what Hakyeon is thinking, Taekwoon elbows him from his left before reaching forward to pour soju into all of their glasses.

"To celebrate Hakyeonie and Jaehwan-ssi's good ratings," he offers quietly, one of the few things he's said all night. Everyone is quick to heartily nod, give cheers, acting as if Taekwoon is blessing them. Hakyeon wants to roll his eyes but he looks up and meets Jaehwan's across the table and his face automatically melts into a smile.

"Gross, hyung!" Sanghyuk pipes in, of course. Like the little devil he is. "Stop making googly eyes at each other, you're not filming right now." Hongbin joins him in his snickering and Hakyeon can feel the dread creeping in. There's two of them now.

Falling into a pout, he's about to retort when he's beat to the punch.

"Respect your elders!" Jaehwan whines, sounding very much like the baby of the group, as he reaches over to neck chop at Sanghyuk. The alcohol definitely loosened them all up, the two groups meshing and blending well but Hakyeon's still surprised they're already _this_ comfortable. It makes him both happy and nervous, though he can't pinpoint why.

"Ah, my hero," Hakyeon coos, reaching over to pinch at Jaehwan's flushed cheek, stretching out his pleased smile even further. He ignores the bite at his stomach when Wonsik bats him away with the _you're not filming!_ argument, saying he's the resident Jaehwan cheek pincher.

Hakyeon's reminded of why he enjoys hanging out with people older than him when the boys around him start leering and making cheek pinching jokes. Even Taekwoon's small smile makes an appearance, despite him trying to hide it in his collar.

They eventually turn on him for being an old man, of course. He finds he doesn't mind so much. There's a warm feeling curled up in his chest, like a cat. Plus, any time a jab feels like it might be teetering on the edge of too much, Jaehwan brushes his fingers across Hakyeon's knuckles. The cat purrs. He basks in the feeling of the alcohol and rowdy friends. And the possible beginnings of something a little more.

 

***

 

Hakyeon is sitting in his living room, script spread open on the coffee table in front of him. He's working through it, highlighting all the important bits in one color, all his lines in another, scribbling notes in the margins. It's a productive afternoon. On the television in front of him, the latest episode of _We Got Married_ is playing, mostly background noise.

It's his segment. Every few minutes he raises his head, relives a moment, lets out a laugh or smile. Worries about his appearance. Wonders how he should change for the next episode. Tries not to linger too much on certain shots of someone's face.

 _You're not fooling anyone_ , the Taekwoon in his head says.

Hakyeon manages to ignore him successfully-- until he hears Jaehwan's voice answering questions. It's his confessional interview. His fingers still, highlighter hovering over the page.

"I think Hakyeonie hyung looked especially handsome to me today," Jaehwan's voice floats out of the TV. Hakyeon watches him take a gulp, nod along to himself. He pulls his lips between his teeth. "He looked like a man. You know? Taking control of the situation. It was very hyung-like. He picked out all the items for the house really well."

There are cutaways to scenes of Hakyeon leading Jaehwan across the furniture store, of him speaking to the saleswoman. There's a shot of Jaehwan just watching him and Hakyeon's stomach jumps.

"It was fun. A fun time," Jaehwan laughs, his eyes are sparkling. It could just be editing but something about Jaehwan has always seemed to sparkle to Hakyeon. A glow that emanates from his very soul. "I'm glad I could make this memory with him."

 _I'm glad I could make this memory with you too,_ Hakyeon thinks. Even with all the practiced moves, with all the direction. The memory he holds is even more genuine than the one playing across the screen. Even more precious.

 

***

 

It's the beginning of their second month together and they're at a carnival to celebrate. It's been smooth sailing, even though Hakyeon's skin itched with anxiety when the show had told them they would be out and about in such a public, busy place.

They didn't have the worst reviews, being the kind of couple they were, but their ratings had taken a hit and Hakyeon was still nervous. Always nervous. And maybe a little afraid.

Even if it weren't for what they were representing, then it could be because of him. He didn't want to be a disappointment. It was ridiculous. A ridiculous fear. But he harbored it anyway, holding it inside as he strolled down the fairgrounds, one arm around Jaehwan and the other carrying a stuffed bear.

"Thank you for the bear, Jaehwan-ah," Hakyeon smiles, his breath fogging up when he lets out a sigh of contentment. He turns his face toward the sky a bit, the lights strewn about and dangling all around them reflecting off his skin. It must make for a beautiful shot. He hopes it does, at least.

"Anything for you, hyung," Jaehwan responds, snuggling into him.

Hakyeon's grip tightens just a bit. He tells himself it's because of the cold but his heartbeat picks up its pace and his ears are burning, probably a telltale shade of read by now. He clears his throat, eyes darting around for an escape. A PD up ahead gestures for his attention, pointing to the large ferris wheel.

"I have an idea," he pulls them to a stop, Jaehwan stumbling a bit into his side. He gives Hakyeon a sweet smile, ever indulgent and excited, and bounces on the balls of his feet. Hakyeon points to the ride, raising his brows, "A trip to the carnival isn't finished without the ferris wheel right? Let's take a spin!"

"Aren't you afraid of heights, though?" And Hakyeon definitely doesn't miss the teasing lilt in Jaehwan's voice.

He aims a chop at his neck, adding an extra tickle for good measure. The resulting giggle and Jaehwan shrugging out of his grasp make his own laughter bubble out of him. "Are you trying to call me a coward, Lee Jaehwan?!"

"Never!" Jaehwan chirps, immediately. Face too pure to be truthful. He spins Hakyeon around to face the ferris wheel, pushing him forward. One of his arms loops around his chest and he collapses against Hakyeon's back in an almost-hug, slumping against him as they walk forward. "Besides, I'll be here to protect you."

Hakyeon hopes Jaehwan didn't feel the thump in his chest.

 

***

 

They take a ride around for the cameras, making appropriate comments about how pretty everything is, how much fun they're having, how much fun the entire day has been. Of course, they also mention how accepting everyone at the carnival seems to be. And that's it, that's a wrap. Their mics are taken off, the cameras are put away, and they're told they can go home.

"Ah hyung, wait one sec," Jaehwan says when Hakyeon's about to make his way over to where Minhyuk said he would wait for him.

Hakyeon turns around to look at Jaehwan and it's a breathtaking sight. His hair is pushed back off his forehead and messy from his hands running through it, nose and ears tinged red from the cold, and skin glowing under all the lights of the games around them. And he's smiling that beautiful, beautiful smile right at Hakyeon.

"Do you want to go for another ride around? Just us two?" he asks. Hakyeon doesn't think there's a soul in the world that would be able to turn down that offer and nods his assent.

Jaehwan grins, bouncing on his feet before rushing over to his side. He throws an arm around Hakyeon's shoulders, their bodies swaying from the force, and pulls him over, back to the front of the line with the help of their VIP passes.

It's awkward at first because outside of drinks and dinner at some dingy restaurant with all their staff and friends, or being in front of cameras and mindful of the nation watching them, Hakyeon and Jaehwan haven't really had one on one time together. The awkwardness only lingers for a moment though before Jaehwan is telling him cheesy jokes and doing cheesier imitations.

It's the same things he hears every time they film but somehow it's more endearing.

They lull into a comfortable silence. The carriage they're in rocks a bit and Hakyeon shuffles closer, hudling further into the warmth beside him. Jaehwan twines their arms together, his fingers finding homes between Hakyeon's own. His heart beats into his throat.

"This is nice," Hakyeon echoes the sentiment he'd said for the cameras earlier. This time, though, his voice is softer, expression holding something private.

Jaehwan's own face is serious for once, devoid of mischief. Not a smile in sight. "Yeah," he squeezes Hakyeon's hand, "I'll probably remember it forever."

Hakyeon gapes for a moment, flustered. He looks away but leans against Jaehwan's shoulder. It's like he's being pulled into a black hole but he can't escape. Doesn't want to escape.

"You shouldn't say things like that," he mumbles, his voice barely loud enough to be carried by the wind.

"Why not?" Jaehwan nudges him, brings his eyes back to his, captures him. "Isn't this the type of stuff you say when you're trying to woo someone?"

"I'm..." at a loss for words. Hakyeon is at a loss for words, wide-eyed, blinking dumbfound, and flushing hot. Cold spreads under his skin despite Jaehwan's hand warm against his own. This is scarier than the heights they've reached. 

"I like you hyung." Jaehwan says it so casually, Hakyeon's taken aback all over again. "I like you. I think you might like me too."

"You can't," Hakyeon finally finds his voice. "I can't."

He shakes his head, tries to pull away. But Jaehwan's grip is strong, steady. And he has no where to go anyway.

"Why not?" Jaehwan asks again, more desperate. "We can do anything in the world, Hakyeon hyung. It could be worth it. There are ways. You just have to be willing to try."

Hakyeon takes a deep, shuddering breath. He presses his eyes tightly closed. The butterflies in his stomach that have been flapping quietly since the very first day are in an uproar now.

"Do you want to try?"

He opens his eyes and looks at Jaehwan. Takes in the earnest expression. The eyes that twinkle with pleas and promises and feelings too precious to behold. Too private. But they're for him. Something in Hakyeon stretches and yearns.

"Yeah," he breathes, watches waves of happiness crash into the lines of Jaehwan's face. Watches him transform right before his eyes. His own grin spreads, eyes prickle. Something shifts inside him, something that overtakes the cold fear, though that still lingers. Just a bit. "Yes, I want to try."

 

***

 

Hakyeon shifts under the bright lights, crossing his legs. "I was very happy at the carnival with Jaehwanie."

He looks down. Smiles. The image of Jaehwan pressing a soft kiss to the back of his hand at the top of a ferris wheel comes to mind. He looks back to the camera with an easiness he hasn't felt in a long time. "He kept things fun. It's a memory I'll hold near and dear to my heart for years to come."

When they're finished with his confessional, the director claps him on the back in a job well down. He automatically dips down into a bow, accepting the praises with a chuckle and some harmless ego.

"Well you know," he says, "When you're as good as me..."

"You just changed so much," the director tells him, "All the awkwardness from the first week seems to have disappeared. It's like I'm _actually_ watching you two fall in love."

Hakyeon just laughs. Nothing feels quite as forced anymore. Even the makeup sitting in layers on his skin feels natural. Simple.

He's happy.

 

***

 

They're at a cafe, wrapped up in fluff and covers. Nothing obvious, of course. Just a face mask here, sunglasses there, and not a speck of makeup between the two of them, and suddenly they're unrecognizable.

Just some nobodies that have a bit of resemblance to some somebodies.

People tend not to believe actual stars are in front of them. Hakyeon has no idea how someone could look right through the actual ball of sunshine sitting across from him.

As if sensing his thoughts, Jaehwan looks up and locks eyes with him. For a moment, just a moment, Hakyeon's breath is taken away. Even with a face mask pulled up just beneath his nose, he's beautiful. Framed by the low, ambient lighting of the cafe, set against a window with picture-perfect snowfall outside. He looks straight out of a movie. Jaehwan cocks his head in question and Hakyeon wonders when they reached this point where they don't even need words to communicate anymore. He shakes his own in response and drops his eyes down, hands clenching around his cup of coffee.

"You still have your ring on," Hakyeon says, more a statement than a question. More surprised than he intends to be. He watches as the tapping of Jaehwan's fingers comes to a stop, slowly bringing his eyes back to Jaehwan's to see him grinning at him.

Hakyeon is sure he's gaping, full out, wide-eyed. He's glad he opted for the sunglasses this time.

"So are you, hyung," Jaehwan reaches across the table, brushing his finger over the band Hakyeon's wearing.

Hakyeon looks down at his hand, turning his hand palm up just as Jaehwan is pulling away. Their fingers brush and catch but just barely. Still, he doesn't the slightest bit of red making it's way up Jaehwan's cheeks.

"I guess I am," Hakyeon says, thumb going to rub against his ring finger, "I've just gotten so used to wearing it."

Jaehwan appraises him for a moment before lifting his cup of coffee. "Thank you for coming out with me hyung," he says over the rim.

Hakyeon gives him a blinding smile in answer.

 

***

 

In the weeks that follow, Hakyeon becomes wrapped up in Jaehwan. They meet up outside of shooting more than they do on the show. Go on more 'non-dates' as Hakyeon's decided to call them.

Calling them dates feels too real.

Makes whatever has started to bloom in his chest in the shape of Jaehwan's smile too tangible.

But Hakyeon can't deny that when he's laying in his bed, in the barely there light of dawn, the last thoughts he has before his eyes flutter to a close under the weight of his responsibilities and exhaustion are, _"I wonder if Jaehwan has gotten to bed yet."_

_"I wonder what he's doing."_

_"I wonder if he's thinking of me."_

 

***

 

The heater of Jaehwan's car is a heaven sent relief. Hakyeon's shoulders bunch up to his ears and his hands go to one of the vents, bouncing his legs up and down in an attempt to warm himself up.

"You're so cute hyung," Jaehwan laughs at him. Hakyeon shoots him a glare out of the corner of his eyes. "What, don't give me that look! I told you it was cold before you came down."

Hakyeon pouts and leans back in his seat, adjusting the coat he'd put on. "Maybe I just wanted to look cute, hm?"

"Oh so you're saying you wanted to look cute for me?" Jaehwan grins, leaning closer to him, his elbow resting on the console. "You don't really have to try Hakyeonie."

"Yah," Hakyeon's hand shoots out, almost instinctively to chop at Jaehwan's neck but he catches his wrist, already used to the punishment. "That's hyung to you."

"Sorry hyung," Jaehwan says, immediately adopting a more serious tone, always playing along. He brings Hakyeon's wrist up to his mouth, blowing warm air against his veins. Hakyeon's pulse speeds up against his fingers, the last dredges of cold fleeing from his limbs. "Better?"

Jaehwan looks up at him from where his head is bent over his wrist. There's no makeup on his face but his hair is still styled from his latest schedule, pushed up and away from his forehead. The bags under his eyes are obvious despite the concealer. His shoulders carry a line that reads _sleep-deprived_. Hakyeon's heart thuds in his chest - in sympathy, in pity, in worry. In care.

"Much," he says, breathing shaky, weaknesses unconcealed. He moves his hand forward, Jaehwan's fingers still loosely wrapped around his wrist, and cups his jaw. Hakyeon's fingers stroke against the sharpness of his cheekbone, gently brushing up under his eyes against the bruised skin. The moment is gentle, soft. "Thank you."

Jaehwan turns his head to the side before he can pull away, plush lips leaving the smallest of pecks against the skin of his palm. Hakyeon can feel himself burning up, flames engraving the feel of Jaehwan's lips against his skin into his memory.

 

***

 

It's a full three months into their fake-marriage before they're given a ceremony. A fake ceremony. A fake ceremony for a fake arrangement for a tv show. Yet, Hakyeon is still standing at what feels like an all-to-real altar, with his real life friends, waiting for Jaehwan with real life jitters.

He forgets about his sweaty palms when the crowd falls silent, the music starting up into a new tune. The doors open to reveal Jaehwan, his hair swept back the way Hakyeon had mumbled he'd liked it one night when the weather had finally started to warm. The tux he's wearing is black, with a prim bowtie, the same as Hakyeon's. Standard issue from the PDs.

Still.

Still. Hakyeon can't help his breath being taken away. He forgets to be nervous, forgets to keep his face schooled into a neutral, if slightly awkward expression. Forgets to worry and think about the cameras, about the eyes of all his friends on him. Everything feels faraway except for Jaehwan, who only seems to be coming closer with every step, a blinding smile that just barely rivals Hakyeon's own.

He thinks he hears Sanghyuk's wolf whistling when they're finally toe to toe at the altar, Jaehwan letting Hakyeon take his hands in his own. He's not sure. He can't hear anything over the rush of his blood or the officiator's voice.

The ceremony passes in a daze, all trembling fingers and shy glances. It almost feels like their first episode again except there are no 'cuts' or retakes because they've missed their cues. Except this time, the butterflies in his stomach are for a different reason and the beat of his heart is in the tune of Jaehwan's voice.

Everything is perfect and Hakyeon lets himself believe, for just a second, that this could be real.

The officiator calls for them to kiss and that's when Hakyeon's startled out of his Jaehwan-focused trance. Something drops in his stomach when the officiator stumbles over his words, the crowd's awkward laugh, and suggests, "Or maybe... just a hug?"

Jaehwan doesn't give him time to think about it-- to be afraid about it. The words have barely been spoken before strong arms are wrapping around him, a chin hooking over his shoulder, a face in his neck. He responds automatically, hands on Jaehwan's waist pulling him closer. The reception hall erupts in applause and Hakyeon sighs, sags, in relief. In happiness. In things he forgets to be afraid of.

 

***

 

Hakyeon is still in his tuxedo, in full hair in makeup, when they settle him down in the chair. There's a light sheen of sweat on his skin and his bowtie's come undone, hanging loose around his neck, clothes slightly disheveled looking. But handsome as ever. He checked. The grin on his face has been etched there since the ceremony, through the ridiculous games he and Jaehwan and their gaggle of friends had to sit through.

"Ah, well..." he sits and thinks, legs crossed, "Jaehwan may be my husband but. We _are_ a male-male couple. Even then, when we played the pepero game..."

He trails off and the PD supplies the next bit, he can just imagine the montage they'll edit in, of their lips just barely, almost, _possibly_ brushing. Screams in the background. Naughty hands holding tightly to waists and necks. "You felt something?"

"My heart fluttered," he laughs, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth and looking to the side conspiratorially, "Is that okay for me to say? Well. Yes."

He coughs and straightens his shoulders, taking his cue for the closing ment. "I'm very happy that of all people, it was Jaehwanie that I married. It felt... It felt real."

 

***

 

A week later, Hakyeon is sitting in his apartment when he's watching the show. Jaehwan's confessional is sweet, charming, brings a smile to his face. Like Jaehwan himself.

" _He looked beautiful right? He definitely looked breathtaking to me when the doors opened."_

Hakyeon feels his heart jump into his throat and leans back against a warm chest. 

"That was nice of you."

Jaehwan leans his cheek against Hakyeon's, wrapping one arm around his shoulder, the other continues to play with his fingers. "I was only telling the truth," his voice is steady but low, oddly serious to Hakyeon's ears. 

He turns to look at him and finds Jaehwan's eyes already fixed on his. They're filled with emotions Hakyeon doesn't mind naming anymore. 

 

***

 

Hakyeon should have seen this coming. Really. As soon as he gets complacent, thinks things will be okay, they always find a way to go wrong. And he _knew_ this was a risk, he just _chose_ to ignore his instincts. Chose to not care. 

And now it's biting him in the ass. 

"I don't know how we're going to fix this," Minhyuk sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

On the table in front of him lays a tablet, with a Dispatch article pulled up. _Scandalous Gay Relationship Among Top Stars?_ reads the title. Hakyeon's blood is running cold in his veins, the edges of his vision blurry and darkening.

It's a blind item but it's obvious. Painfully so. They may as well have typed out their names in black and white, properly left them out to dry. The blurred out pictures from _their show_ , the hazy pictures of supposed car dates in front of Hakyeon's apartment building, even shots of them at a cafe. The evidence is incriminating. It's enough to kill their careers, kill them socially. Maybe just kill them if people disgusted and angry enough got their way.

"I don't know either," Hakyeon whispers. His throat feels like it's closing up.

Minhyuk claps a hand on his shoulder, squeezes reassuringly. But they have hell coming for them, grasping at their ankles and trying to pull them down. Hakyeon's going to be lucky if he survives this. Minhyuk's going to be lucky to keep his job through the shitstorm.

Hakyeon sighs. Drops his head into his palms. 

He wishes he could rewind back four months to a time when _We Got Married_ was something he skipped over when flipping channels.

 

***

 

Less than four hours later, both their companies put out statements. It's probably the most damning move they could make but the netizens are already ripping them apart. There are very few options at their disposal.

_Cha Hakyeon and Lee Jaehwan are friends and coworkers. They're filming a show together and apologize if their actions have been too controversial. They will be reflecting on their actions and hope you understand. Thank you._

Hakyeon's phone goes off all night, but there's nothing from the one number he's expecting. No matter how many times he flis his phone over to check. 

 

***

 

Taekwoon sits next to Hakyeon on the couch as he rants, Sanghyuk laying across the couch with his toes tucked under his thighs. They've been at his place for the past two hours. Usually they would meet at a restaurant or a pub but Hakyeon was forbidden from going out.

He didn't want to anyway. The comments going around about him on the internet were horrible.

"I just can't believe this is happening. What did I do to deserve this?" Hakyeon moans, his head back in his hands. He's been in this position for the past few days, it feels like.

"You already knew this was a risk," Taekwoon pipes up, completely to the point. His hand still comes up to rub comforting circles between Hakyeon's shoulders. It's appreciated, but not the touch he wants. "This is why you didn't want to go into the show to begin with."

"Look hyung," Sanghyuk interrupts, digging his toes deeper under Hakyeon, "Just end it. It's for the best. Then I'll go date Jaehwan hyung and let you live vicariously through me."

Hakyeon head snaps up to give Sanghyuk the most withering look he can muster. He reaches over to give him a pinch to the side, taking only minimal pleasure in his pained noises. The gloom drops back over him too soon.

Sanghyuk sits up, looking closely at his face. "Is that jealousy I see?" Hakyeon tries to chop him but he gets batted away. "Aw, hyung. I'd totally like to date you instead."

A grimace takes over Hakyeon's features and he sighs, falling back against his couch. Taekwoon gives his hand a tiny pat. "Look I appreciate what you're trying to do here, Hyogi, but..."

The words die in his throat and angry, bitter tears threaten to well up at the corners of his eyes. His messages with Jaehwan still remain painfully empty and the anxiety is threatening to eat him whole. Before he can fall further into the depression that's been hanging over him though, a strong arm wraps itself around his shoulders, pulling him into Sanghyuk's chest.

"I know. Now's not the time. But we both just want you to be happy," Sanghyuk sighs, the force of it ruffling Hakyeon's hair. "If I could shut all of these people u and make everything okay, I would. But I can't. So I make stupid jokes and give you stupid hugs. And you stay above all the bullshit. Because that's all we can do."

Hakyeon swallows roughly and looks over at Taekwoon. He just nods and reaches over to pat his hand again. "We're here for you, Hakyeonie. Just... please be smart about this. Think with your head, not your heart."

 

***

 

They decide to continue the show. " _Otherwise you'll look guilty,"_ Minhyuk had said. Hakyeon understood, he did, but at the same time he just wanted to lash out. To say he hasn't done anything wrong.

Instead he stands across from Jaehwan, trying to force life into the hollow gaze he's been carrying for days, listening to the PDs give them their directions. It's like they're back to square one, where almost their every move is predetermined, their every gaze dictated.

The PD steps away, giving them practically down to the millimeter measurements of how close they're allowed to get. Jaehwan breaks their new rules right away. Occupying the space that was just vacated, stepping right into Hakyeon's sphere. Hakyeon steps back in reaction, maybe retaliation-- keeps the space between them.

A glimpse of hurt flashes across Jaehwan's face. Hakyeon doesn't think he has the right. But just as quick as it appears, it's gone. Replaced with gentle eyes, the kind you approach a stray with. He bristles.

"Hyung, please," Jaehwan sounds desperate enough behind the mask that Hakyeon doesn't retreat completely behind the wall he's built for himself. He can't say no him anyway, no matter how much he tries.

"We're about to start shooting, Jaehwan-ah. Maybe now isn't the time." The lines around Hakyeon's mouth are stern, everything feels stiff and robotic.

"I don't care. Look," he reaches forward and grabs onto one of Hakyeon's arms, anchoring him in place despite the staff calling for their attention. "I wanted to call. Or text. Something. I just... They gave me a new number and told me I couldn't speak to you. And I-- I just didn't want to make things worse."

Jaehwan is pleading with him, Hakyeon can see it in his eyes. In the set of his lips. He wants Hakyeon to understand but all Hakyeon can see is the underlying message. _There were more important things than_ us _in the moment. More important things than you._

Swallowing roughly, Hakyeon tries to smile, shaking off Jaehwan's hand. "Yeah, okay," he turns away, misses the look Jaehwan is sending him. "They've been calling us. Let's just get to work."

 

***

 

Hakyeon is waiting for the show this time. Waiting for Jaehwan's interview. He's sat here all morning, flipping through channels until the alarm on his phone goes off to remind him.

The change in them is obvious. Their entire dynamic is... Uncomfortable.

Something bitter and venomous sits in his gut.

Then Jaehwan - his sweet, sweet, Jaehwan - is speaking and it doesn't help. If anything, it gets worse.

" _Hakyeonnie hyung has taught me a lot. We've developed... Maybe one of the best friendships I've ever had."_ Hakyeon's heart thuds loudly in his chest. " _We never wanted anyone to misunderstand. And we're still having fun. This show is a blessing really._

_I'm grateful and I'm sorry."_

Hakyeon shuts off the television but he doesn't move from his spot, curled up on the couch for the rest of the day. 

 

***

 

The reviews for the show plummet. As do the ratings. Minhyuk mentions something about pulling him, getting him a new drama. Re-branding.

Hakyeon just sits quietly and listens, retraining himself to smile in a way that doesn't remind him of how he feels with Jaehwan.

 

***

 

They're meeting for the first time in two weeks, huddled inside Hakyeon's car this time. It had taken him five minutes of debating, thumbing at the text that asked him if he was available to meet before he'd driven over. Another five minutes of staring into space, clenching and unclenching his hands around the steering wheel before he told Jaehwan to come down.

"I'm sorry, hyung," Jaehwan speaks, finally. Breaking the silence that started to seem suffocating.

"I know," Hakyeon says. It's quiet again save for the the whir of the engine. Hakyeon sighs, fidgets, thinks he should probably do something. So far the only effort he's made is driving over.

He looks at Jaehwan, who's focused at the road in front of them. Takes in the slope of nose, the angle of his jaw. The way his hair is falling into his eyes, getting too long. Jaehwan has always been beautiful, makeup or not. His eyes fall to his hands and his throat clenches at the small, silver band. Hakyeon reaches over to take Jaehwan's hand in his, pressing his thumb to ring.

"I just," he sighs, "I just wish you had reached out. Or done something. We're already in the thick of it, what could a call have hurt?"

"It's not like I didn't want to," Jaehwan whispers, looking down at their twined fingers. He brings up his other hand to encompass Hakyeon's completely. Hakyeon smiles, leans back against the seat, eyes closed.

"It didn't feel that way to me at the time."

Jaehwan is quiet as a car drives past, looking out the window to see if anyone else is lingering around them. If anyone has noticed despite the tinted windows. Despite the car being entirely new, unrecognizable.

"I don't want to fight, hyung. Can't we just stay like this for a while?"

 

***

 

They meet twice a week. To make up for lost time, Jaehwan says. It had only been a mere two weeks that they went without seeing each other but Hakyeon doesn't fight him on it.

It doesn't feel right though.

It's not the same.

They're awkward, stilted, where before they would fit together so precisely. Their touches are hesitant, barely there. But above all else, Hakyeon is just... Tired. Tired of having to remember to act a certain way in public. Act a certain way in private, even, because they don't want to fight. Because he wants Jaehwan to be happy.

Tired of having to look over his shoulder every few minutes.

 

***

 

"You've never invited me over to your place before," Jaehwan says, stepping carefully into the spotless kitchen. He looks around as if the walls hold the answers to his questions. Or at least, the answers to Hakyeon."It's nice."

"Thank you." Hakyeon is sitting toward the far wall, in a bar stool at the counter. His hands are wrapped firmly around a mug of coffee. There's another one sitting beside him that Jaehwan has yet to take. The steam has stopped rising from it.

"So," Jaehwan says, rocking back and forth on his feet. Hakyeon almost winces, "Wanna watch a movie?"

"Jaehwanie..." Hakyeon sighs, moving to stand. He looks up to see Jaehwan looking right at him, seeing right through him. He's frozen in place by the weight of his gaze.

"Hyung."

"We should..." Hakyeon gulps, taking a step forward. "We should talk."

Just like that, he sees the walls come down, sees Jaehwan flash to understanding and retreat. "Oh."

Hakyeon takes another step forward, Jaehwan takes one back. Keeping the space between them. Hakyeon wnders if it hurt Jaehwan this much when he had done the same weeks ago.

"You want to break up?" Hakyeon doesn't hold back the wince at the tremor in Jaehwan's voice this time. His gut feels like it's fallen out, dread clawing against the skin of his chest.

"Were we ever really dating in the first place?" he sounds desperate, he knows. Jaehwan jerks back and Hakyeon regrets the words, regrets that when he needs it most, he somehow loses his ability to string together words that sound sweet despite what lies behind them.

Hakyeon raises his hand, steps forward again. _Tries_. But Jaehwan raises a hand to stop him, shaking his head. "I'm just... I'm just going to go. I can't... I'm gonna go."

It feels like all of their mistakes just won't stop piling up.

 

***

 

They have to stop appearing on the show, of course. Hakyeon expected it. It's hard enough to see Jaehwan but to pretend to be married to him? To act like they're in love?

It's too much.

So they come to an end, both trying to ignore the sheen to their eyes as they say goodbye. Both trying to touch without feeling like they've burned. Both holding on maybe a heartbeat too long when they hug.

 

***

 

Later Hakyeon watches the episode, watches both their interviews, watches Jaehwan literally choke back on the tears, lifting a fist to his mouth as he sniffs, eyes downcast, and finally lets himself cry.

 

***

 

The next two months are miserable. They were only together for four, an actual possible maybe couple for three but Hakyeon.

Hakyeon feels like a shell of a person.

He's half afraid to flip channels nowadays in case he lands on their old episodes. Or even worse, Jaehwan's new projects. To see him looking unaffected.

A part of Hakyeon knows it's an act, just as much as his is. But an uglier, darker, more insecure side says he's not too hard to get over.

 

***

 

He's half drunk when he ends up at Jaehwan's doorstep. He never _has_ been able to handle his liquor well. But he would have been here anyway. Eventually.

Waiting with bated breath and a bouquet in hand. The same flowers with too long names that Jaehwan had gotten him when they first met.

The door swings open to a sleep-hazy Jaehwan and Hakyeon stumbles upright. He sways but he's seeing clear, thinking clear. He knows exactly what he's doing.

Jaehwan blinks at him, wide-eyed in surprise and Hakyeon can only offer a sheepish smile, extending the flowers out to him. He wants to say something but he's afraid. His throat is parched. He doesn't trust himself to say the right thing just yet.

"Hyung." Jaehwan sounds tired. More than sleep, tired. It leaves Hakyeon feeling the bite of guilt but he's come so far already, he can't stop here. His heart won't let him. Jaehwan takes the flowers from his hand, their fingers brushing and lingering, and Hakyeon takes it as his green light.

"I'm sorry," he blurts out, stepping forward but keeping at the boundary of the door step. "I just," he swallows, his eyebrows furrowing, face crumpling, "I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't stop thinking about you. And I'm just... I let everything get in the way when I shouldn't have. I let my head, my fears, mess us up. I'm so... So, so, sorry."

"Hyung," Jaehwan says again, but it's a different kind of tired that laces his voice now. A fond tired. He leans against the door jamb and cocks his head, appraising Hakyeon. The entire stance is familiar, so far removed from the strangers they've gone back to being.

"Do you want to come inside?"

 

***

 

Hakyeon shifts in the hard plastic of the chair, smiling wide and turning his head at his best angle for the myriad of flashes going off. His leg keeps bouncing under the table but at least his palms have remained thankfully dry.

Even after all these years, press conferences still make him nervous. Especially when he has to be at the middle of the table, in the center of the poster. The man of the hour, Minhyuk had said. Hakyeon wanted to throw up a little bit.

But this is also where he thrives, so now he deals with the shaking of his leg. Plasters on his smile, special for the press, throws in a wink for his fans. And an extra because he can. Because he's That Guy. Takes a sip of water for his parched throat and readies himself for a new beginning.

 

***

 

_"Cha Hakyeon-ssi, earlier this year you went through a very controversial scandal with your colleague, Lee Jaehwan-ssi. Do you care to comment on that?"_

Hakyeon takes a deep breath, fortifiying himself, not letting his shoulders drop. He had been expecting this. "As hard as that time was for me, I'm sure it was much harder for all my fans and supporters. I apologize to them, once again, they are the reason I'm here and I'm eternally grateful.

I hope no one continues to misunderstand. Jaehwan and I are friends, the relationship we have is one of a hyung and dongsaeng. We just took part in something we thought would be good for our careers. There wasn't anything strange going on, as I'm sure you know."

_"And Jaehwan-ssi? Do you agree? Do you have anything to add about your current situation?"_

"Yes, I agree completely. Hakyeon hyung said it exactly, he's a very close hyung of mine. I cherish him but not in a way people have tried to twist it." Beside him Jaehwan clears his throat, straightening up, "As I'm sure you've read, Heeyeon and I recently announced that we've begun seeing each other. I hope you will all watch over us and give us your blessings." 

They're interrupted by some claps, Hakyeon's hands fist in the fabric of his pants.

_"And your thoughts on being able to work with Hakyeon-ssi again?"_

"I'm eternally grateful for the opportunity," Jaehwan answers immediately, the puppy-like excitement that Hakyeon fell for overtaking his face. Hakyeon feels the smile on his face brighten as he watches him, feels his fists loosen. Jaehwan's hand sneaks over to smooth them out the rest of the way, linking their hands beneath the table. "I'm sure there's a lot he will teach me and I look forward to filming a great drama."

 

 


End file.
